Morrisons Beef Lasagne

Popping into the Morrisons near my office I procured some promising looking rectangles of meaty goodness.  First off the lasagne.  It looked impressive enough on the box, granted I would have to do without the sprig of flat leaf parsley draped jauntily atop the golden, bubbling cheese, however this should still be a meal fit for a food geek, just like Mama used to make!

Oh dear.  That's not  what it looked like on the box.  Never mind, I'm sure it will taste nice.  No.  Actually it tastes of...well...nothing really.  And what's that texture?  Oh, right, there isn't one of those either.  How, I wonder, have Morrisons managed to create beef with the texture of tomato soup.  And what in the name of Christ is this stuff on top?  "Cheese" they claim, I think not.  It's more of a....phlegm.  And it has a bizarre property of just gluing itself to the back of your teeth.  There is a mysterious, oily residue on top, I'm not sure what it is, I've never seen it before.  This is like no lasagne I've ever tasted before, I'm sure when the good people of Italy first contemplated the recipe this is not what they had in mind, furthermore I'm fairly certain that, if confronted by this six inch wedgette of Italian-style shite they would be horrified.

If this is like Mama used to make then Mama must be Karen Matthews.